


Skai Heda

by caskettshipper3, RoboBear (caskettshipper3)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-12-15 16:54:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11810226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caskettshipper3/pseuds/caskettshipper3, https://archiveofourown.org/users/caskettshipper3/pseuds/RoboBear
Summary: The Council kept many secrets. They made choices and took votes and treated their people as pawns in the game of survival. Their latest vote ends up in the 100 being sent to the ground. But is it actually 101? (This summary is terrible. Please read and give it a chance.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> OK, so this is really just a prompt that would NOT leave my head. It's rather complicated actually? And I did not post it before in fear that the concept was way too sketchy and out there. So for now, I'm posting it as just a one shot, and then, if it is received well, I'll post the whole story. Prompt at the bottom :)

Clarke sighed as she began her journey up the hill, where she would finally meet the Grounder commander. She swayed slightly with the terrain, shook her hands out in an attempt to get rid of her nerves. She had to do this right. Healing Lincoln had to work. The commander HAD to accept her treaty, or else, all of this would have been for nothing. Escaping the mountain, fighting with Anya...

Anya's death.

Clarke once again shook herself as she began to see the first of the Grounder soldiers. A small group blocked her path.

"I wish to speak to the commander." Clarke announced. She received a grunt from a nearby soldier and he nudged her forward. The group of soldiers then flanked her closely as she continued towards what she assumed to be the commander's quarters.

Once she reached the top of the hill, she was received by a rather large, buff grounder whom she assumed to be one of the commander's guards. He stared her down for a few, short seconds, the tattoos on his face appearing to grow darker.

"If you so much as look at her the wrong way, I will slit your throat." Clarke attempted to mask her horror. Just another reason why this had to go well. Her life, and the lives of her people, depended on it.

Clarke quickly shook out any further negative thoughts. This has to work. She lifted her chin defiantly and swallowed around the lump in her throat and entered the tent as the guard held back the flap. Once inside, she took a few seconds to collect her thoughts as she surveyed the inside of the tent. Marveling at it's size and stability, she didn't notice the commander begin to speak.

"You're the one who burned 300 of my warriors alive." Clarke's eyes quickly finished their scan. The ominous netting, the intricately crafted throne. And upon that throne-

"Lexa?!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Flashback

A ten year old Clarke sat patiently waiting for her friend. The hall was quiet and dull, as were most hallways on the Ark, but she didn't mind. She quickly glanced to the clock on the wall in front of her.

10:38

In two minutes, her friend would exit the medical ward and then they could go play.

Clarke was so grateful her father had finally taught her to tell time. All this waiting used to seem much longer, but now, she knew exactly how long they took.

40 minutes every time. Every third Wednesday out of the month, Clarke's friend had to be brought to the medical ward and examined for 40 minutes. Then they could go play.

Clarke swung her legs eagerly as the second hand slowly made it's way towards the 12. She could hardly sit still as the minute hand jerked towards the 8, signaling that time was up, and her friend could now join her.

She stood anxiously at the swinging double doors, waiting for a push, much too strong for an 11 year old. She waited for the glint of green eyes staring back at her own blues, for the 'swish swish' of the weird gray jacket her friend always wore.

She waited and waited and waited. It was 10:57 before her mom came to tell her that her friend would not be coming out of those doors. Not today, not ever again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Clarke's heart picked up speed as shocked blue eyes connected with equally shocked greens.

"C-clarke?" Lexa couldn't believe what she she was seeing! When they'd started all of this, so long ago with Anya, when she had heard the term "sky people" she was overrun with the memories. But she never would've thought-

The two young girls stare at each other for a long while, in utter disbelief. So much so, that the others in the room start to shuffle anxiously in confusion. Out of the corner of her eye, she notices Indra reach for her sword.

"Leave us." Lexa finds her voice and directs orders at her war general and gaurds.

"Heda-"

"I said leave!" They scurry from the tent at Lexa's booming voice. Clarke herself flinches back and contemplates leaving, but cannot make her feet move. She hears shuffling movement away from the tent. They are alone.

Though Clarke isn't sure that is a good thing.

She continues to stare at Lexa as the girl stares back. Neither of them seem to be able to make words. Clarke watches as Lexa rises from her throne, taking slow, careful steps towards her. She thinks about stepping back as Lexa stops a few inches in front of her, but still, her feet won't move.

"Clarke?" Lexa's voice comes out soft and shaky and suddenly, a giggling, younger face flits across her mind before she focuses on the other girl's words. "Is- is it really you?" Along with her sudden paralysis, Clarke also can't seem to formulate words. She simply nods when Lexa's piercing gaze becomes to much and stumbles at the impact of Lexa's body barreling into her.

It doesn't take Clarke long to sink into the impossibly familiar embrace and they both clutch at each other. The reprieve from paralysis finally allows Clarke to speak. "I- I thought you were dead."


	2. Chapter 2

"I thought you were dead."

Lexa pulled back confused. Dead? Why would she be dead? Then again, she was sent on practically a suicide mission to what the Arkers believed to be a ball of desolation and radioactivity. But then again, Clarke was so young when she was sent away. Did she even know what had happened?

Lexa gazed upon her old friend's face and saw nothing but shock and utter disbelief, with a hint of awe and amazement.

"I- how? How are you here?" Clarke asked. "How are you a commander?!" Lexa chuckled slightly at her friend's amazement.

"That, my dear Clarke, is a long story." She smiled, but then registered the sound of sparring outside, soldiers bustling about. Commander. Oh, right. "But one, I'm afraid will have to wait." Lexa sighed wistfully and set in place her 'stoic ruler' face. A face she did not expect to use for someone who had once been her best friend. Although, she did not anticipate seeing this person again, either. "Do you have an answer for me Clarke?"

"I have an offer for you... Commander." The word felt out of place when addressing her friend, but she knew what this was still all about. "The Mountain. They have hundreds upon hundreds of grounder warriors locked in cages, drained for their blood, used as medicine for their people."

"And how did you come to know this?" Through the facade, Clarke saw a glint of worry in those familiar green eyes.

"I escaped the Mountain. Our-" Clarke thought of her word choice "my-" damn it, just forget the possessives "there are arkers being held prisoner there as well. I escaped with Anya."

Lexa let her mask drop as the worry became more clear. "Anya was among those held prisoner?"

Clarke nods. "But we helped each other escape. Fought our way out together."

"And where is she now?" Lexa leans slightly forward and Clarke can tell she's anxious, can tell she cares - cared for Anya. Great, that makes what I have to say ALL the easier.

"Gone." She can tell Lexa tries her hardest to not look crest fallen. "She died well, by my side, trying to get a message to you."

Lexa looks up curiously. "What message?"

"The only way to save both our people is if we join together." Lexa turns from her and paces, a nervous habit Clarke remembers well.

"I'm still not hearing an offer, Clarke." Lexa sighs into the dusty air of the tent.

"The Mountain, they're turning your warriors into Reapers." Clarke waits for Lexa to turn and meet her gaze. "I can turn them back."

Lexa shakes her head. "I appreciate the attempt Clarke, but you can't. No one has ever been able to." She sees the defiant spark in Clarke's eyes. She never did like being told what she could and couldn't do.

"I've done it! With one of your other warriors, Lincoln." Lexa thought briefly of the aforementioned man. It wasn't hard to remember him. The man was the most peaceful warrior she'd ever met. "Lex, I know it sounds hard to believe," Lexa felt the corner of her lips tug at the long forgotten nickname "but you know what kind of technology we have, what kind of medicines." It was true, she knew the Ark was far more advanced in those aspects than any of her clans. "I also personally had my mother work on him and I know she-"

"Oh, pardon me if I am not so quick to put faith in your mother's medical expertise!" The words come out with a venomous bite and Clarke almost feels the need to recoil. Where the hell did that come from?

Lexa breathes deeply and reels in her anger as she spins to face Clarke once again. "I believe you." Clarke smiles wide and begins to speak, before being cut off once again. "But I am the Comnander, Clarke. Leader of the twelve clans, and protector of my people." She sighs. "Therefore, I cannot make this decision solely on my beleifs. I must have proof."

Clarke slowly picks up on her train of thought. "You want to see Lincoln." There's a lilt to her voice that Lexa can't quite decipher, but she hopes it is just her imagination.

She nods. "You must take me to him." Clarke nods and begins to back out of the tent. "I will gather my guard and we will go to him. And Clarke?" Clarke turns around, right before she can cross the threshold of the tent "I hope, for all our sakes that your mother made the right choices this time."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am honestly SO happy that so many of you are reading this now. I meant for it to be something short, but it feels like it's turning into slow burn, simply because I would like to stick to the canon timeline of season 2 and season 3 (except for the events of Thirteen), so that I can showcase this Lexa's view on things, while adding the back story of everything on the Ark. I promise I will try not to drag anything out, and I actually plan for them to get together a little earlier than the show puts them together. How soon depends on you guys, really. I would love some feedback!

The walk through the forest is quiet, eery. Thousands of thoughts reel through both the heads of the young leaders as they trek to the drop ship. Lexa's guard, including Indra, follows slightly behind her, the blonde sky girl leading the way. Lexa contemplates speeding up to walk next to the girl, but the side glances from her war chief keep her in check. She's not supposed to know this girl. Skai kru are currently enemies. Such familiarity is not a luxury she is graced with right now.

Still, she can't help to give at least some of her thoughts a voice before she goes stir crazy. Luckily, her warriors take her slight approach to the sky girl as careful watchfulness.

"We are almost there?" Lexa starts out.

"Yes, should be coming up on it soon." She hears the nervous tremor in Clarke's voice once again, and now she's worried. She had heard that tremor too often in her childhood. It never meant anything good. Clarke was hiding something.

Lexa couldn't help but be on guard. "Is there something I should know before we arrive, Clarke?" The words made her soldiers' ears perk up as well.

Clarke thought carefully about her word choice. She wanted SO badly to be honest with her friend, but how could she? The lives of her people were depending on this! And there were too many other ears around. Besides, for all she knew, the plan worked and, upon arrival, she would find Lincoln as healthy as a horse, doing cartwheels and all.

Get real Clarke. She quickly thought about what she could do, and decided that her best course of action would be to try to warn Lexa in some way that she might have been wrong.

Her voice was hesitant as she spoke a phrase she hadn't in a long time. After all, she didn't really know this Lexa. "You should learn to swim without floaties on, Lex."

The older girl's ears perked at that. She hadn't heard that phrase in forever. Usually, she heard it muttered right before Clarke tangled her into some scheme, on the Ark, that could get an adult floated. She was asking Lexa to trust her, in their secret code.

Lexa side glanced at her guards. Seeing their perplexed faces gave her the relief she needed. They hadn't understood. Good. Lexa quickly replied back, as best she could remember.

"As long as I don't drown." Don't make me regret this Clarke. Don't let me down.

Clarke's eyes flicked briefly to Lexa's and she gave the other girl a barely there nod and cleared her throat. "Just ahead."

They walked through the dilapidated gates of her old home and Clarke and Lexa both tried to contain shivers at the ash and bone that still littered the ground. Lexa noticed her warriors trying to contain their horror and anger, then directed her attention towards Clarke.

The Clarke she knew would never have done this, wouldn't be capable of such an act. She was too kind, too curious. She would've tried to rescue at least some of them. No, this was an Abby Griffin move. Sacrificing people for the "greater good". Then again, the Clarke she knew was 10 years old and still slept with starry nightlights. For all Lexa knew, she could be following in her mother's foot steps.

The brunette girl grimaced at the thought. Sehe shook the thoughts away and looked to Clarke again for direction.

"This way." Clarke muttered and Lexa followed along with Indra, Gustus and another. She walked inside the ship and followed Clarke up the ladder to the open hatch. Once she had climbed through, she searched the small space for a healed Lincoln.

Instead, she was met with whimpering from a young girl, leaned over Lincoln's dead body. Her heart dropped at the sight and she looked to Clarke, who held fear in her eyes. Oh, Clarke. I told you not to let me down.

She saw her gaurds come up too and her heart broke as she realized what this meant. Clarke had not delivered on her promise and now, she would be killed.

She made eye contact with Clarke once more, willing the girl to understand. I'm sorry old friend. She hardened her face and mustered up enough strength to nod at Indra. It was time.

"Kill them all!" She unsheathed her dagger as her gaurds weapons were drawn and the other skai kru drew weapons as well. They all stood, cautiously waiting for the other to make a move. Clarke simply had her hands up.

"Please, you don't have to do this." Lexa felt herself falter as she looked into sky blue eyes. She wanted so badly to believe that.

"You lied, Clarke." She saw her friend's eyes begin to water and her angry tone turned to one of resignation. "And you're out of time." The two girls continued to stare at each other, until Abby used her weapon to shock Lincoln's corpse. The room stood still.

"Hit him again." She Heard Clarke's voice call, but all she or anyone could focus on was the body. Abby brought her baton down again and this time, they heard a great exhale from the man.

Lexa and her warriors looked on, shocked and slack jawed as the warrior began taking in breaths, as he spoke. She did it. She really did it.

Clarke gave a slight nod to Lexa, but it did nothing. They were all still so mesmerized by what they had just saw, were currently seeing.

Later, back at camp, Lexa stood in her tent looking over maps with Clarke. "Lincoln's recovery was... impressive." To say the least. "No one's ever survived a fate like that before." It was hard to hide the pride Lexa spoke with. Leave it to Clarke to fall from the sky and start performing miracles.

"It's simple really." Clarke responded. "We just have to keep them alive long enough for the drug to leave their systems. I know we can do the same for others."

Lexa nodded shortly. "I don't doubt it. You seem to always be able to do the impossible." Lexa smirked slightly, recalling a 10 year old Clarke, seemingly getting away with murder aboard the Ark, on her talents and luck alone.

Clarke chuckled. "Not down here. Here I'm just.. trying to keep my people alive."

"As am I." Lexa nodded and smiled. "You may have your truce, Clarke. Your people live to fight another day. Congratulations." Clarke found herself wondering just when the lines had been drawn on who's people were who's, but was interrupted by Lexa's voice again. "I just.. need one thing in return." The older girl found herself stumbling over how she could say thisker.

"Tell me." Clarke replied eagerly. It won't be so easy, old friend. Not for you.

"I need you to deliver me Finn. He came down with the first of you?" She saw the news set in for Clarke and pushed forward. "He has crimes he must answer for and my people will not ally themselves with you unless he has paid the price." Lexa could feel Clarke's heart breaking from across the table. "I am sorry Clarke, but this must happen." She took a shuddering breath.

"Our truce begins... with his death."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom! Ok, I actually wrote a lot here. I tried to include some kiddie Clexa back story in here and also, their thoughts going through all this. Bookmark that tid bit about the secret code they have. That'll show up again. Also, we're gonna get to delve into Lexa's problems with Abby soon, which is why there wasn't mention of that here. It's coming though, considering Clarke STILL doesn't know how her friend got here. And obviously Abby has seen now who the Commander is, so yeah! Hope you all enjoyed and leave me some feedback!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK, so it took me a bit longer to flesh this one out, mainly because there isn't a lot of Clexa interraction in 2x08. So I've made the decision to sort of skip that one. The beginning of this chapter will give Clarke and Lexa's thoughts on everything with Finn, but then we move forward with the alliance. Like I mentioned before, I don't want to drag anything out so, without further ado.

'You bleed for nothing Clarke.'

Clarke takes a seat, not even trying to find a chair or stool, just lowering herself to wherever she can.

'You can't stop this.'

She couldn't. She didn't. She actually furthered it. Became a direct catalyst, the reason he died. In more ways than one.

'Finn is guilty.'

Clarke shakes her head again, trying to get the feel of warm blood out of her mind, until she looks down and realizes, it's still on her hands.

'Then he dies for you.'

She begins to shake violently, the rush of warm tears springing to her eyes, but then it's warm tears and warm blood and it's all too much and she attempts to get rid of at least one thing.

She finds a damp cloth and tries to get the remaining source of Finn's life off her hands, but it proves difficult. The blood still feels too warm and her hands are too shaky and the cloth is too dry and her vision is too spotty and her breath is too short and she feels the panic attack too late before older hands settle over hers, stopping her from tearing at her skin.

Abby looks at her and her eyes hold all the sympathy there is left on the planet and she can't take it. "They would've tortured him. I had to." She breaks. "I had- I had to." Her mother pulls her into an embrace and she feels her heart come apart even more. Her thoughts jumble and mix between reason and disarray, grief and sacrifice, until she can't make heads or tails of anything and all she can think of is one thing.

"What did I do?"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lexa sends away the last of her disgruntled soldiers, including a fuming Indra, and takes a shuddering breath of night air. After dealing with the outrage of Clarke's actions and giving commands to her warriors, she finally allowed her thoughts to drift to her friend.

Obviously, Lexa knew Clarke cared for Finn, and him, for her, but it honestly broke her heart to think of the sacrifice she had just made. She herself was still deeply troubled by Costia's untimely end, but at least she could say that she wasn't entirely responsible for the girl's death. Yes, the Ice Nation had taken Costia because of her title as Commander, but she was not the one to cut off her lovers head. Clarke was now directly responsible for the end of Finn's life. She would see him die over and over, feel the life drain from his body, over and over.

Lexa had seen many despicable, inhumane things in her time, but if given the choice, she couldn't honestly say that she would've, or could've, ended Costia's life to save her from Queen Nia's torture, and for that, Lexa knew Clarke just might be stronger than her.

An untimely sense of pride swelled in her at her old friend's actions. This, the girl who use to be afraid of the dark and barely strong enough to lift her own book bag, had just sacrificed the one she loved for an alliance and a chance to save her people. Well Lexa certainly wouldn't deny her that.

She quickly gathered Gustus and Indra and went in search of Clarke.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Clarke pushed back her emotions as Lexa and her gaurds entered the tent. She quickly placed on her leader mask and turned her attention to Lexa.

"Blood has answered blood." Clarke holds in a shiver as she clenches her fist, where Finn's dried blood still stains her skin. "Some on my side say that's not enough. They wanted the murderer to suffer as our tradition demands." She hears the words, but she can't comprehend them, can't understand why this wouldn't be enough. Nothing could be more painful, short of ripping her heart out of her chest and dancing on it, although it feels like that's what's already happened. "But they do not know that your suffering will be worse. What you did tonight will haunt you until the end of your days." Both the young leaders feel the words seep into every atom in their bodies and know it to be true. Both of them try their hardest to remain emotionless as Lexa watches Clarke's head bow.

"Still, there will be restitution." Lexa's eyes don't leave Clarke's as she speaks. "The body will be given to the people of TonDc. Murderer and murdered joined by fire. Only then can we have peace."

She attempts to reign in her anger as Kane and Abby dispute her orders with Indra, as if either of them have a shred of human decency in their bodies, but Clarke cuts in and all of Lexa's attention goes to her.

"We'll do it." Clarke breathes through the words. "But when its over, we talk about how to get our people out of Mount Weather." Her eyes pierce into Lexa's. "All of our people."

Lexa tries not to let her discomfort show at Clarke's mistrust. "We want the same things Clarke."

"Good, when do we leave?"

"Now." Lexa rises preparing to leave and give Clarke some space. "Choose your attendants."

Clarke watches Lexa leave and is immediately approached by her mother. "Clarke, you don't have to do this."

She takes in a ragged breath as she speaks. "Yes, I do. If this truce doesnt hold," she swallows around the bile in her throat "I killed Finn for nothing." And that can't happen. She won't let his death be in vain, won't allow herself to be haunted by not only his death, but those of all of her friends and family.

She exits and Abby attempts to go after her, but is stopped by Kane. "Clarke's right. We have to do this. Peace with the Grounders is the only way we'll survive."

"Oh, I don't think they know what peace is."

"The Commander does. Abby," and his eyes bore into her own "Lexa does. She's not just a Grounder, remember?"

"She's a child, Marcus!" She allows the frustration to spill over in her voice. "Their being lead by a child! A damaged one at that! Who has been taught God knows what since she's been here! We can't trust her!"

"Wrong Abby. She stopped being a child the day we took that from her." Abby steps back at the force of Kane's words. "The day we sent her here. Just like Clarke stopped being a child when we sent the 100." Abby's eyes watered at that. Her pile of mistakes finally coming back to bite her in the-

"If there's anyone that we should trust now," he slowly backed away towards the exit of the tent "it's them."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Clarke tries to focus as she stands beside the pyre, trying desperately not to cry. She hears the Commander speak, hears Lincoln translate, but all she can think about is warm blood.

She sees him everywhere, can't shake his ghost from her no matter how hard she tries, but she can't focus on that. Instead she looks for something else to focus on. Anything else.

Her refuge comes in the form of a torch being held her way as she registers that her name has been called. All eyes are on her, waiting for her to accept the flame and she steps hesitantly up on the stand, taking the torch.

She meets Lexa's stare for a moment, feeling the confidence Lexa attempts to give her. She stares at the flame, feels it's warmth on her.

Warm blood. Warm blood. Warm blood.

Then he's there again. Pushing her to end it. To light the fire and set his soul free. Clarke touches the torch to the wood and finds something to say, all the words she can't or won't say, jumbling in her head, until she comes up with something that will most certainly do.

"Yu gonplei ste odon." She feels the shocked stares on her, especially Lexa's and she accepts that it was the right thing to say.

She and Lexa step down from their perches and she lights the rest of the pyre. They all stand and watch it burn, slowly peeling off until there's nothing left but the two leaders and a pile of ash. Clarke slowly looks towards Lexa as she begins to speak.

"I lost somone special to me too." Lexa swallows as she forces the words out. "Her name was Costia." Lexa feels Clarke's eyes on her and uses the attention to push forward. "She was captured by the Ice Nation whose queen believed she knew my secrets." The sadness threatened to fill her once more, but she knew she had to keep going. For Clarke.

"Because she was mine... they tortured her. Killed her. Cut off her head." Clarke tried to contain the horrified expression, but still looked towards Lexa with concern.

"I'm sorry." That shakes Lexa, almost drains her resolve, but she continues, shakily.

"I thought I'd never get over the pain, but I did."

"How?" Clarke asked. How could she get over it? How could she stop seeing him? How could she stop wishing she could take his place?

"By recognizing it for what it is." Lexa looked directly at Clarke "weakness."

"What is? Love?" Lexa felt the word float from the blue of Clarke's eyes and flutter around her heart, but she quickly swatted it away and nodded curtly. "So you just stopped caring? About everyone?" Again Lexa felt the flutter, but she just nodded again. "I could never do that." Clarke averted her gaze back toward the ash, then looked to Lexa again. "There was a time that I would think you couldn't either."

"Well that time has passed." Lexa said through gritted teeth. "We're not children anymore Clarke. We do what we must to survive. And if you allow this weakness to continue, then you put the people you care about in danger." She looks toward Clarke "and the pain will never go away."

Clarke finally meets Lexa's gaze and tries to find any trace of the best friend she once had, who would've held her through this and promised her that it would be OK.

All she saw was Heda. "The dead are gone Clarke. The living are hungry." And then she's gone and Clarke trades the blankness of the Commander's eyes for the blackness of the smoke and ash in front of her.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The dining hall's air is strained, but not entirely callous. Clarke takes her position and the others do the same. Kane offers Lexa their gift and the girl almost chuckles at Kane's explanation, like she doesn't know what the liquid is already, but she supposes she's not supposed to know and keeps up appearances.

When its time for Clarke and her to drink together, she gives a formal toast. "Tonight, we celebrate our new found piece. Tomorrow, we plan our war." Her eyes focus on Clarke's "To those we have lost. And to those we shall soon find." To those we have already found. she adds in her head and goes to drink.

Gustus convulsing and falling out is certainly not what she expects to come of her toast, but its all she now cares about. She hears the words poison, the sky people being seized, but she focuses on Nyko.

"Don't let him die." Indra orders the search as Gustus is being removed from the room and she can't control her anger as she hears Clarke plead their innocence. "Gustus warned me about you, but I didn't listen." She hadn't. There had been so many signs, showing her that this Clarke was not the one she remembered, she couldn't be trusted. She had been a fool. Betrayed by another Griffin.

"Lexa, please-"

"Tell me something, Clarke. When you plunged a knife into the heart of the boy you loved, did you not wish that it was mine?"

Clarke shook her head without even thinking about it. "No! Lexa... I would never hurt you." The weight of Clarke's statement physically hurt, but then she heard one of her warriors call her name. The poison had been found on Raven.

Predictable. It had been revenge. Just, not from Clarke. Well now I feel like a jerk. Still, Raven and Clarke protested, still pleaded their innocence, and Lexa couldn't stop hearing Clarke's words over and over in her head. Too much noise!

"No sky person leaves this room!" Lexa found the phrase strange, considering she was striding out the gates, but she continued on to make sure Gustus would be OK, while she knew that the alliance would not be.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Clarke couldn't breathe, didn't want to breathe. She couldn't save Finn, couldn't save the alliance, couldn't save Raven. Why was she even here?

She saw him again. The worst possible time, in the middle of the worst possible week and he's here. Just staring at her. With his, literally, dead eyes.

"Say something." She seethed. All ghost Finn did was look towards the discarded cup on the floor. Great, he was taunting her. Oh well, maybe she deserved it. Trying to celebrate peace with the ones who stole so many of her people's lives with a feast and a bottle of freshly made, uncorked moonshine.

How pathetic. How absolutely, positively, fucking-

Wait a minute.

Her eyes widened as it came to her. "It wasn't in the bottle." Thank you, ghost Finn. Clarke bounded upstairs, towards the screams of agony. I can save Raven. I can save the alliance.

Clarke strode purposefully past her group and to Nyko. She resisted the attempts at trying to stop her and retrieved the bottle of alcohol.

"One of your people tried to kill you Lexa, not one of mine." she uncorked the bottle "I can prove it." She lifted the container to her lips and Lexa's heart dropped.

"Clarke!" But it was too late. She waited for the choking to come, the agony, but it never did. Clarke stood tall as ever. "Explain."

"The poison wasn't in the bottle. It was in the cup." Lexa thought about Clarke's explanation. It made sense. No one had been in possession of the bottle once it was poured except Nyko. The healer was sympathetic towards the skai kru, but he wouldn't blatantly her, or his people. So, the poison wasn't in the bottle. And whoever put it in the cup had to have the time an access. Skai kru had neither. Clarke was right.

"A trick, Heda. Do not be fooled." Lexa wanted so badly to listen to her trustee, but the reasoning was there. And she could see no trace of a lie in Clarke's eyes.

Suddenly, Bellamy spoke. "It was you." She followed his gaze to Gustus and almost scoffed. "He tested the cup. He searched Raven."

"Gustus would never harm me." And that's why she couldn't accept this. All Gustus had ever done was protect her. He would never try to kill her. He had no reason to. She trusted him.

"You weren't the target. The alliance was." Now that... actually made sense. But Lexa didn't want it to. It couldn't be.

"We didn't do this, and you know it." She did know it, now more than ever. The skai kru needed her, needed this alliance. But she also couldn't fathom what that would mean.

She turned hesitantly towards her guard and questioned him. "You've been accused Gustus. Speak true." She tilted her chin. This would be OK. Gustus would explain. He'd prove his innocence. He would never-

"This alliance would cost you your life, Heda." No. No, no,no. "I could not let that happen." It was true. He had admitted his guilt in front of everyone. All of his warnings about skai kru, all the accusals that she had thrown at Clarke, because of him. Her judgement had failed her again and the life of someone else she cared about would be over because of it.

But still, she was Heda. She had a duty to her people. "This treachery will cost you yours. Put him on the tree." Her stare never wavered from his eyes, even as she felt Clarke's gaze all over her. Her eyes remained on her former guard until it was time for her to end his life.

"Be strong." Lexa eyes hands tremored as the familiar words came back to her. She briefly remembered a time of being an outcast, getting her ass handed to her in natblida training, the other children calling her names in Trigedasleng that she couldn't understand. The glimmering eyes of a broad warrior, helping her up off the ground when she fell or was put there. "Be strong, little natblida. One day, you will rule this land and all who inhabit it." Her choice of him as her personal guard wasn't exactly and unbiased one, but now she thinks that maybe it should've been. Maybe, she could've spared his life.

"Yu gonplei ste odon." Lexa shifted her arms and plunged the sword into Gustus' heart, holding back tears. She removed it as swiftly as possible and clenched her hands her Sword, trying to remain stoic, and failing. The similarities didn't escape her and she quickly thought back to Clarke as her eyes connected with the girl's for the first time since before this started.

Shortly after Gustus' body was removed from the tree, everyone spread their own ways. Lexa stepped away to get some air, off to the side of the village, where she could finally let a few treacherous tears slip free.

She wasn't completely surprised when she heard footsteps coming her way. "Hey." She turned to meet Clarke's eyes. "You alright?" No, hell no. Lexa certainly was not. But Heda had to be. "He betrayed you, Lexa. He had to be punished."

Lexa chuckled humorlessly at that and returned to her earlier thoughts. "I'm sorry Clarke." She waited until she had the girl's attention. "For earlier. I was so hard on you about your feelings for Finn. Truth is it's easy to call someone weak when you aren't the one with blood on your hands." Lexa gripped the handle of her sword instinctively.

"There's no need to apologize. You were right." Lexa's eyebrows raised at that. "I allowed my emotions to get in the way earlier and figured out the poison too late. One of my people was hurt and I can't let that happen again." Clarke shoved the last of her feelings inside the vault and recited her new mantra. "Love is weakness."

Lexa tried not to show her surprise. The phrase, she was used to, but not hearing from Clarke's lips. This was a girl who gave up months upon months of her time just to make sure that Lexa always had a friend, that there was always someone there for her after treatments. The words didn't match who Clarke was.

"Hey, guys!" Lexa watched Clarke walk towards her people and turned to go talk to her own, still wondering if she had made the right decision ever telling Clarke that phrase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! So this is super long. And the future ones may also be. I'm trying to keep the events of each episode to one chapter for the most part. I hope you guys enjoyed that little snippet into Grounder life for Lexa. I'm trying to save that particular story line until we get to Polis, but there's definitely a chance that it'll arise before that. Also got to finally see Abby and Kane acknowledge Lexa, even if for the moment. In the show, we never get an Abby/Lexa confrontation moment, but I am most definitely planning one for this fic. As of now, I'm doing it like the show did, little bits of information coming to light amidst the chaos, until it all reaches a head. Someone also mentioned this fic being written a lot like the show, and that is noted, but we are diverging little by little. We have so many things that are still yet to be revealed so for now, a lot of it is just character thoughts. But anyway. I cannot tell you how happy writing this makes me, and I hope it makes you just as happy reading it! Thanks again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, like I said in the last chapter, there's little by little divergence from canon as we discover more things about our characters. I have received some comments about the likeness of this to the show, but that's soon to change. We just have to develop our characters a little more guys. There are still SOO many things that they don't know. We will get some new information this chapter though and a bit of a canon change. So here we go.

Clarke breathes out slowly as she walks through the trees, trying to calm herself. She had known that the Grounders still didn't trust her people. Hell, her people still didn't trust them. But she hadn't figured it would be this hard, especially when they had a common goal. All Clarke had been trying to do since the meeting began was help, so that there weren't more lives lost then need be, so that they could actually save their people.

Most importantly, she was hoping Lexa would be on her side, like it used to be. But Lexa had been right yesterday. They weren't children anymore. There were more important things to consider than their childhood friendship.

Like the very angry Grounder now addressing her through the tree line.

Clarke stops, listening, waiting.

Then an arrow zooms past her head and she's done waiting. She begins running through the forest, no idea where she's going, simply trying to get away as quickly as possible. She runs down an incline and tries to loop back around towards the village, but it's too late. Quint tackles her and has her pinned as she struggles to get free.

"For my brother!" She prepares for the impact of the blade in her chest, but instead sees the dagger catch in Quint's arm. She immediately takes her chance to free herself and Lexa is there to help her.

The concern in her eyes shakes something within Clarke and it only gets worse as Lexa's eyes roam over her body. "Are you OK?"

"I'm OK. Thanks to you. That was some spot on aim." Clarke tries to lighten the mood, tries to ease the worry from her friends eyes, but only manages to receive a look of annoyance.

"Where's your guard?" Clarke quickly thinks back to the horrific sight of Burne without an arm.

"He killed her." She hears the man make what sounds like a protest, but Lexa quickly shuts him down with the phrase she's starting to hear too much for her liking.

"The kill is yours, Clarke." She looks to Lexa shocked, but the girl simply gives her the stoic commander look again, so she raises her gun to Quint.

They all freeze as a roar tears through the trees. She looks to Lexa and finds that the roar had been mighty enough to shake away the commander's mask and leave a look something akin to horror.

Clarke has been away from her friend for a long time. But in all the time they knew each other, and all their time here on the ground, Clarke doesn't think she's ever seen Lexa scared, which just makes her all the more anxious. "What is that?"

"Pauna.." Clarke hears Lexa whisper, and then she's incapacitating Quint and grabbing her hand. "Run!" Clarke pushes herself to keep up with Lexa as they try to find somewhere to hide from whatever had made that sound.

Clarke pulls Lexa to a stop as she spots a tunnel and they push the gate away and run through, only to end up in the creatures territory. Clarke begins climbing the rock in the enclosure as Lexa follows, before they hear another roar and turn, ready to fight.

The beast jumps the wall without any struggle and rips Lexa's guard apart. Clarke fires her gun at the beast, hoping it will kill the thing, but it only manages to slow it down before it's chasing after them again.

Clarke pulls Lexa along until they're met with a jump and her eyes go to Lexa. But the Pauna is right behind them and there's no more time, so she jumps. She lands painfully on her ankle, but manages to stand as she waits for Lexa. She sees the other girls apprehension before she jumps, but she sees the trajectory before she hears the slam and Lexa crying out.

"Lexa!" She runs over to her friend and helps her out of the way, just before the gorilla slams into the same wall. Clarke, again, hopes that the thing is injured, but Lexa is barely through the small door before she is grabbed.

"Leave me!" Lexa screams, but Clarke is already drawing her weapon.

"No way." She empties her clip into the monster and pulls Lexa through, sealing the door. She drags Lexa behind her, into another room, all the while cringing at the cries of pain coming from the girl. Clarke takes her sword and barricades the door and then moves to check on her friend.

She brings her hands slowly to touch Lexa's shoulder. "This is gonna hurt, but I have to see how bad it is, OK?" Lexa bites her lip and nods, preparing herself for the pain. Clarke tries as softly as possible to probe at her shoulder, but she doesn't miss the muffled groans from her friend. "It's not that bad, but I will have to reset it." She peers around and finds a tattered piece of cloth and tears it off to the size she needs. "OK, this is gonna be the worst part alright? Here," Clarke holds out her hand to Lexa and the girl hesitates slightly before taking it.

Clarke allows a small smile to slip free before she's gripping Lexa's shoulder with her knee underneath the girl's armpit. "Alright, on three." She waits for Lexa's nod. "One, two-" Clarke yanks hard and Lexa barely conceals her scream.

"What happened to three?!" She gasps harshly as Clarke begins wrapping her shoulder.

"You were never good with countdowns." They share a smile before Lexa's slips away and she retreats back into commander mode.

"You should have left me. Now two will die here, instead of one." Clarke sighs and begins looking for an exit.

"Ya know, I know it's been a while since you were on the Ark, but the proper thing to do when somebody saves your life is still to thank them." Clarke shakes the bars on the cage, trying to get them to budge. "But then again, you were never really good at thank yous."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Clarke spins in her mother's chair for the third time and sighs.

She was normally in school by now, but her mother had decided that she should see the medical bay and begin learning what she would someday practice.

"Moooomm. Can't I go noooww? If I hurry, I can still get my last two lessons and see my friends!"

"No, Clarke. You need to get familiar with these surroundings. One day, you'll be here all day, doing what I do." Abby rolled her eyes as her daughter released an exasperated groan and decided to have some pity on her. "I know it seems pretty boring, but trust me Clarke, its important." Abby bends down to her daughter's level and kisses her head. "Now," She hands Clarke a tray of cookies "why don't you go hand these out to everyone in the testing wing and then see if you can try to catch that last lesson."

Clarke's eyes lit up. "I'm on it!" She dashed out of her mother's office and began passing out cookies. Soon, she had given away all the cookies but four and she only saw one more bed. Upon approaching she saw a little girl there, slightly bigger than her, struggling with a juice pouch.

Clarke rounded the bed. "Here, let me." She placed the tray of cookies on the side table and poked the straw through the pouch, promptly handing it back to the other girl. "There you go."

The girl reached out hesitantly and accepted the drink, without a word. She began sipping the straw when she felt eyes on her. "What?"

"You're supposed to say thank you when someone helps you. It's manners." Clarke pushed her chin out like she often saw her mom do when she wanted people to do things, but the girl didn't budge. 

"I could've done it on my own, so your help was pointless." Lexa went back to sipping her juice and Clarke looked at her, shocked.

"Well, you looked like you needed help. So I did, and now you say thank you." Clarke looked at her again, waiting, but still the girl just sipped her drink. "Fine. But you're not getting any cookies!"

The girl just shrugged and curiosity got the best of Clarke. "What's your name? And why are you weird and not happy about cookies?" The girl just looked at her. "Come oooonnnn. I'll be your best friend?" More staring. "I'll let you have all four of these cookies?" Still staring. "I will never, ever leave you alone." This time she gets a tiny smile and the girl grabs a cookie.

"My name is Alexandria. But I like to be called Lexa." Clarke smiles at the girl and gets a cookie for herself.

"My name's Clarke. My mom works here." The two girls converse until someone comes by to look at Lexa and Clarke leaves with an empty plate. By the time she does leave, school is long over and her friends are home now, but she can't bring herself to be sad about it. She thinks she might like going to work with her mom.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I'm serious, Clarke. To lead well, you must make hard choices." The sentence hits Clarke like a brick.

"Hard choices. You're telling me that?" Like killing a boy you thought you were in love with isn't enough?

"I've seen your strength, Clarke. Your determination. From the moment I met you, and you wouldn't leave my side until you knew my name. I saw it in you. But now you waver. You couldn't kill Quint. You couldn't leave me to die. That was weakness."

Clarke scoffs. "I thought love was weakness." She begins searching again, trying to find another route, but Lexa is clearly not through.

"Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke." OK, now she's sick of this.

"You know what? Enough. You can play the emotionless commander with everyone else. Not me. I know you."

"Do you now?" Lexa challenges. Clarke sees the smirk hidden behind her eyes though. oh, she wants to play? OK, let's play.

"Yes, I do." Clarke steps into her space "I know that you're not as confident as you try to make yourself appear." Clarke slowly sees the glimmer disappear from Lexa's eyes. "I know that despite barking out orders all the time, you question every time if anyone will actually listen." Lexa shuffles uncomfortably and tries to back away, but Clarke proceeds. "I know that no one knows that you're from skai kru and you work yourself to death making sure no one ever finds out." The shimmering is back in Lexa's eyes, but this time it's different. "I know that you still hate your whole name and that people touching you still makes you blush. And I know," Clarke grabs Lexa's hand and doesn't miss the pink tinge in her skIn " that you still bite your nails when you're nervous and that's why you always clench your sword or dagger, to stop yourself from doing it in front of anyone."

By now, Lexa's eyes look like fish bowls with the strength of holding back tears and Clarke almost regrets what she's said. Almost. But she's also really tired of having to carry the weight of her people on her shoulders alone and she knows they can both help each other, if Lexa would let her in.

"I may not know what happened since we last saw each other, or how the hell you even got here, which you still have to tell me by the way, but I do know that there was a time where we were best friends and we took on the world together and I don't know about you, but I could really use that right about now."

Lexa manages to push back her tears and speak shakily. "I still have to be Heda."

"And you can be." Clarke lays a hand on her shoulder "but maybe, sometimes, you can just be Lexa?" She waits for the girl to think and then smiles when she reaches up to squeeze Clarke's hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah, I think that would be OK." Clarke can't resist pulling the girl into a hug and Lexa only waits half a second before returning it. They pull back and look into each other's eyes, feeling something shift. But they have no time to figure it out because there is now pounding on the door.

"It found us!" They back as far away from the door as possible and Clarke cringes at how the sword begins to bend.

"Don't be afraid, Clarke." Lexa grabs her hand and gazes into her eyes, but Clarke refuses to give up that easily. She surveys their surroundings, sees the sword, barely holding in. It's so close to coming in and-

"What if we let it in?" Lexa's gaze turns confused and Clarke grabs her and pulls her to the other wall. "When I say run, run." She gets a nod from the other girl and then releases the sword from the door. The gorilla barrels in and Clarke drags Lexa out of the room, bottling the door.

Green meets blue once again and they become lost in each others eyes until a bang from the door brings them back into focus. "Let's go."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They finally get a chance to stop and rest and Clarke feels the drowsiness, but there's so much she wants to know. So much she wants to say. All her thoughts jumble and when she hears Lexa talking to her, she just blurts out.

"You should rest Clarke-"

"I thought you were dead." Lexa stills and drops her head and then pats the log beside her. Clarke sits and waits her out. "My mother told me that your treatments had failed and you..."

"The treatments that they had been giving me did fail. They thought I was going to die."

"So what happened?" Clarke saw the pain in Lexa's eyes and grabbed her hand in support.

Lexa smiled and continued her story. "One of the lab techs was going through files of older remedies from the Ark's database. Apparently, he found something transfered from the 13th station, on genetic modification that looked like it could work."

"OK, and obviously, it did. So why, and how are you here?"

Lexa sighed. "It worked really well, better than they thought actually. My entire body began metabolizing radiation at incredible rates. They even exposed me to direct sources of radiation and it didn't kill me."

"That's.. amazing, but I'm still not getting the big picture here?" Lexa chuckled and Clarke found herself smiling. She had missed that laugh, and it only sounded better now, deeper and richer. She shook the thought away and focused back in on her friend.

"Another lab tech had the bright idea that perhaps my body would withstand larger amounts of radiation. Amounts like-"

"Earth." she watches Lexa nod "but how? The council would have had to-" They both jump as they hear a large pounding noise in the distance. "Come on, that cage won't hold forever."

"Wait, Clarke." Lexa only hesitates for a moment before throwing her arms around the girl. "You're not weak. I think you may actually be stronger than me." Clarke lets her shock disappear and sinks into Lexa's arms.

She allows herself that second before pulling away. "Thank you." The look she sees in Lexa's eyes is most likely reflected in her own, but it's intense and she can't place it, so she distances herself. Then something she said earlier comes to her.

"The cage won't hold. Lexa, the cage won't hold!" She looks excitedly to Lexa, but the girl just appears confused.

"I'm sorry?"

"We've been trying to get into Mt. Weather, but they've already let us in! Your army is already inside, in cages. We just need an inside man to let them out."

Lexa finally catches on. "Bellamy." Clarke nods. "You trust him?" Another nod. "Well I hope your trust in him is well placed."

"My trust in everyone is well placed." She watches Lexa's eyes widen slightly and a little shocked smile come to her face before she grabs the girl's hand. "Come on, let's get back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alriiiight so I had an idea where this chapter was going and then it TOTALLY switched on me. Also, I am not confident in this chapter. It didn't come together as well as the others, or at least I think so, so I hope you all like it!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skipping 2x11 for lack of Clexa interaction. There may be mentions, but we're pretty much picking up with them and the missile. Took me a bit to do this one, mainly because this chapter kept feeling bland. Still not completely sure I like it, but hopefully, you all will.

"Clarke of the sky people has honored us with her presence." Lexa's face is stone set, but Clarke can hear the sarcasm in her tone. 

"I'm sorry I'm late, commander."

"You made good time. I assume the kids at Mt. Weather are okay?" Kane questions.

Lexa sees the nervous shift of Clarke's eyes as she speaks. "For now." Then her gaze is focused on Lexa. "Can we talk in private?" 

Lexa hears the unsteadiness of her tone and masks her confusion well. "Yes. This way." She leads Clarke back to the underground place that had served as their dining hall just days prior. "You know, its getting difficult to cover for your blatant disregard of our rules." 

They reach the floor and Clarke sighs, exasperatedly. "Lexa-" 

"I'm serious Clarke. I understand your motives as a leader, but this alliance is already fragile as is." Clarke still looks on edge, but Lexa doesn't even pause. Whatever Clarke has to say will wait, just like Clarke made her wait. 

"Lexa just-" 

"If the skai kru ever wish to reside peacefully among us-" 

"Mt. Weather is sending a missile to bomb TonDc and everyone in it." That shuts Lexa up finally and she realizes how stupid her little schpiel was now that she hears Clarke's urgent news. 

She takes a breath, then "A missile. You're sure?" 

"Yes. We have to start evacuating. Now." 

"No."

Clarke stares, shocked, at Lexa. "What do you mean no, Lexa?" 

"Clarke, if we evacuate, they'll know we have a spy inside their walls, they'll find your friend." It's low, she knows it, but the longer they stand talking, the more time they waste. 

"Not necessarily." Lexa scoffs and turns away from her. 

"Now is not the time for blind optimism Clarke, we can't risk it." She hopes that this is the end of the conversation, but she should really know better when it comes to Clarke, who just walks closer to her. 

"What's the point of having an inside man if we can't act on what he tells us?" Lexa turns to her then. 

"Is the acid fog disabled? Is our sleeping army uncaged?" She watches as Clarke shakes her head dejectedly. "Then Bellamy's job is not done. We need him to win this war." She can't help the bite to her tone, but they're really wasting time. 

"So what're you saying, Lexa? Do nothing? Let them bomb us?!" At that, Lexa can't help but allow her head to drop. 

"It'll be a blow," she pauses, allows that to sink in, allows herself to think about the many deaths that will occur "but our army will be safe inside the woods," She pushes all thoughts away of the dead then, focuses on the living "and it will inspire them." 

"And what about us?" She hears the fear in her friends voice and decides that she will be strong for both of them.

"We slip away, right now." She turns and grabs some discarded cloths and hands one to Clarke. "Put this on." Lexa begins walking, allowing no room for contention, but this is Clarke we're talking about, so of course, she must speak. 

"Lex, wait. You don't understand. I did this! I provoked Mt. Weather. I sent a message to distract them from Bellamy." 

Lexa tries her best to not drag Clarke out by her hair. "Clarke, sometimes you have to concede a battle to win a war." Words, words, and more words that mean nothing because there is no solution other than this, and Lexa is entirely fed up. "Clarke we don't have time for this." She begins leaving again when a yank at her elbow has her stopping once more. 

"This is wrong." Clarke tries to remain solid, but Lexa stares her down until she visibly sees the girl's resolve weaken. 

"It's also our only choice, and you know it. You could've warned everyone up there, but you didn't. You said nothing. Not even to your own people." Somewhere inside of her, there's a pang of guilt for the way she watches Clarke shrink, but she pushes past it. "This is war, Clarke. People die." She lays a stiff hand on the girl's shoulder. "You showed true strength today, don't let emotions stop you now." She retracts her hand awkwardly and begins walking again.

"It's time to go." She doesn't even look back at Clarke, there's no question to whether or not she'll join, as she pulls the cloth over head.

* * *

 They're making their way through the brush of the forest, Clarke slower than Lexa when she hears the other girl come to a stop. 

She turns to see what the the hold up is, sees her friend staring at the village, trepidation on her face. "Clarke, we have to keep moving. We aren't far enough away yet." The girl still doesn't move though, looking at the people of TonDC like she can sheild them from what's coming. 

Clarke's always been that way though. Selfless, ready to throw herself in the line of fire for those she cared about, those she felt responsible for. That's one of the reasons Lexa... felt warmly for her? She'd worry about putting a name to it later. 

"Clarke!" She grabbed the girl's shoulder, finally getting her attention. "The last time they used one of these was right after I was sent down. It's the only reason no one knows where I came from. I landed right in the middle of the crater it left, no one around for miles. You couldn't even see across it." She watched Clarke struggle with the information for a moment before losing her patience. "Clarke let's go." 

"Wait! Lexa," Lexa sighed and stopped once again "what if we made them miss?" 

"Clarke, you're not listening-" 

"We can make them miss, if we find their spott-" Lexa's eyes follow Clarke's wide ones as she spots someone off in the distance. 

_Abby._

"What is she doing here?" Lexa's thoughts exactly, not that Clarke would know.

"Clarke!" But Lexa's too late as she watches the other girl run off.  _Just walk away Heda. She is weak. Leave her._ Lexa wants so bad to listen to the voice in her head, wants to follow the pull away, but she can't. She can't. "Ugh!" And she runs back the way they had just come. 

By the time she finds Clarke again, she's with Abby and they are arguing. "Clarke! Let's go, now." She tries to make it clear that there is no room to argue, but obviously Abby didn't get the memo. 

"No! I am not taking another step until one of you tell me what is going on!" 

"Mom-" 

"Leave her to die then Clarke!" They both look at her then, Clarke in astonishment and Abby in anger. 

Before either of them have the chance to respond, they see a bright light over head and immediately, both the younger girls know what's about to happen. 

Lexa doesn't even think before she's pushing Abby behind a downed tree and shoving Clarke to the ground with her body covering the other girl's. 

There's heat and light and lots of shaking and then everything goes black. 

* * *

Clarke's eyes finally open. The trembling seems to have stopped but her head pounds, both from the ringing in her ears and the pounding in her head. Despite the ringing, she begins piecing together sounds. 

The first sounds she registers is the screams and she immediately knows the will haunt her. She then hears the crackling of flames and figures it must be from village. Then she feels hands on her and hears Lexa's voice, concerned and soft. So un- Heda like and if they weren't in the situation they were in, she might smile. 

"Clarke! Clarke are you okay? Can you hear me? Please be okay." She coughs slightly as Lexa helps her off the ground. She feels slightly unbalanced, but she doesn't have to worry much, Lexa's hands remain on her, a tight grip on her shoulder and waist. 

Their eyes lock and Clarke really wants to question what she sees brimming in Lexa's, but then she hears a voice behind them. "You knew?" 

Lexa's grip actually seems to tighten on her for second before they step apart and look to Abby. "Mom-" 

"You knew and you let this happen?" 

Her mother's words only add to the guilt she's felt since the moment she told Lexa of the missile. "We had no choice." Abby's eyes flicker between the two girls in shock, disappointment and disgust. 

"All those people. Our people." Clarke tries to keep her eyes from permanently fixating on the ground, but her eyes shoot up when she hears a growl. 

Lexa steps slightly in front of her, almost shielding her, and glares Abby down. "You'd dare judge her for making a choice that would lead to the fall of a wicked and dangerous enemy? After all you've done?" 

"All I've done?! This does not compare to any decision I've ever made! Hundreds of people-" 

"Were sent to die! On your orders! This is no different!" Clarke almost wants to let this continue, intrigued by the show down, but she sees Lexa's hand flexing around her dagger and she steps around her.

"Mom, please."

"Tell me this was Lexa. Clarke, tell me this wasn't you." She hears the beginning of Lexa's sword unsheathing and reaches back to stay her hand.

"I wish I could."  She fixes her eyes on her mother then and steps closer. "You can't tell anyone about this. If anyone found out-" 

"I would have your head." Lexa buts in, but Clarke keeps speaking. 

"- the alliance of the twelve clans would crumble. We'd lose the war." 

"You crossed a line. Their blood is on your hands. And even if we win, I'm not sure you'll be able to wash it off this time." Clarke feels her heart shred to pieces as the tears begin to fill her eyes. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me." 

"Mom. Wait." _No, don't leave. Don't blame me. Don't make be the bad guy, please._ "Mom!" The tears started to slip down as Clarke felt a light pressure on her shoulder. 

"Clarke.. forget her. We have to go." 

* * *

 

Clarke began moving, but not deeper into the forest. Lexa watched her walk closer to the village. Her eyes were teary, yet blank. Her footsteps were unsure and stumbley. It was almost as if Clarke was a moth to the village's literal flame. 

Lexa followed her, attempting to stop her from being seen, when she saw one of their war horses coming near them, consumed in flames. 

"Sheidjova.." She stopped her movements enough to follow the horse and get it stopped, put it out of its misery. "Yu gonplei ste odon, gona." She patted out the horse's flames and began moving after Clarke again, trying to get her to stop. 

"Clarke. Clarke.. Clarke!" She yanked the girl around, finally grabbing her attention. Her heart almost broke at the despair written in the younger girl's features. 

"I could've warned them. I could've saved them.." 

"If they see us, they'll strike again." Despite her words, she felt Clarke start to pull away again. "Clarke, do you remember that thing my dad use to always say, every unity day?" 

She waited for the girl to respond, which she did, weakly. "Victory stands on the back of sacrifice.." 

"Exactly. You know this." Lexa can't help the gentle brush her thumb does across Clarke's cheek, but it goes unnoticed as the girl's face hardens. 

"I want the Mountain Men dead. All of them." Lexa masks her shock as well as she can before barely nodding and walking back out to the forest, Clarke on her tail. 

* * *

 

They're walking through the trees later, attempting to find the spotter, when Clarke decides to voice a curiosity she had earlier. 

"You said earlier no one knew where you came from. Where do they think you are from now?" 

She's surprised when Lexa chuckles, but it only intrigues her further. "They believe I am  _Womplei Goufa._ Literally translates to Death Child." They both chuckle now as Lexa continues. "The legend goes that when the missile struck, the warriors and civilians that died had such strong spirits, that they came together and created me, to one day rise up and defeat the Mountain and bring honor to the lives that were lost." 

"That's some reputation to live up to." Clarke smirks. 

"Oh yes, it was. There were some, though, that did not believe it." Clarke watches as Lexa gets a far away look in her eyes, but it is gone as soon as it came and their pace picks up. 

"Does anyone know the truth?" 

"Anya knew." They both frown at that. "Costia knew and I think Gustus might've had a feeling." Clarke nods solemnly, all people who are gone. "Titus knows. Only because he taught me. We spent so much time together, it was hard not to tell him." She shrugs. 

"Why didn't you just tell the truth?" 

Lexa sighs. "That little life lesson, I learned from the Ark." She continues upon seeing Clarke's confused glance. "People fear what they do not understand. After finding out there were people here and observing them, I figured they wouldn't be too welcoming of a girl who fell from the sky." 

"Ah, so child created by dead warrior spirits makes more sense. Got it." Clarke shoots her a teasing smile and Lexa smirks back. 

The light mood is broken by shuffling near by. They both stand on guard, prepared to defend themselves when a familiar bald head peaks through. 

"Lincoln?" 

 "Clarke?" Lincoln steps out of the treeline just as Lexa steps from behind Clarke. "Commander wh- ... Octavia said you were-" 

"You've seen Octavia?" 

"Yeah. The few that survived the explosion are being pinned down by the sniper. That's why I'm here." Both the girls notice the still uneasy look on his face and Lexa decides to take the initiative. 

"We have to get to the high ground." 

* * *

 

"I'm sorry Marcus. I'm so sorry." 

Kane struggles for the strength to speak. "It isn't your fault." 

"It is." He hears the wavering in Abby's voice and tries to stay concious to comfort her. "She's my daughter."

That seems to give Kane enough to focus in on the women. "What are you talking about?" 

"She knew." Abby tremors. 

"Clarke escaped? Before the attack? She knew it was coming?" Well that... made sense. He can't place exactly when, but they had left the meeting place at some point, and right after Clarke asking to speak to the Commander alone? 

"Yes." Abby confirms. "How could she do this?" The tears come, but the mood shifts as Marcus mutters a reply. 

"Because she grew up on the Ark." Abby's confused glare turns to him, but he knows. He understands now. "She learned from us." 

"She let this happen. She could've stopped it." 

"She made a choice, Abby." She closes her eyes, clearly not accepting what Marcus has to stay, but he pushes on. "Like executing people for stealing... medicine... and food." He waits until he appears to have her attention. "Like... sucking the air out of 300 parents, so they could save their children." 

It hits Abby harder than any of the slabs they're trapped under. "Like floating that man you love to save your people." The tears flow freely now, for both of them. "Or sending your daughter's best friend, a little girl, down to a radiated planet, alone, without so much as a canteen of water." Lexa's words from earlier come back to haunt her as she realizes that she and Clarke's actions hadn't been all that different. Clarke's were just newer. 

"Yes." Comes Marcus' shaky reply. "We have to answer... for our sins, Abby." 

"After everything that we've done, do we even deserve to survive?" 

* * *

"So much for the element of surprise." Lexa hears the bullets nick the rock as they whiz by. The sniper has them pinned, but at least that means he won't be aiming at the village. 

"I'll draw his fire-" 

"No. I will." Clarke begins shooting at the spotter and Lexa wants to tell her to stay herself, don't allow anger to guide her movements, but she said no lessons. Instead, she nods to Lincoln and then she and Clarke wait while he goes to attack. 

"You're trembling." which is an understatement, as Lexa watches the gun seemingly skitter across her friend's hand. But Clarke is all anger. 

"I'm fine. Let's go. Lincoln may need backup." 

"Clarke." Lexa grabs her shoulder before she can move and the way the girl rears back, Lexa swears she may hit her. "I'm telling you from experience, it won't help. Anger blinds more than it helps." 

"I'm sorry, what would you have me do then Heda?" Well that's unfair. 

Before Lexa can reply, they hear an unmistakable high pitched squeal. 

"Tone generator." Clarke is off before Lexa can even gain her footing and she does what seems to be her thing with Clarke. 

She follows. 

When she approaches, she sees the situation. She feels sorry that Lincoln will have to die, but asking Clarke to do anything other than kill this man is seemingly out of the question. 

"Please Clarke, you have to save your people." Lincoln struggles against the blade, willing it to be over.

"You are my people." Clarke's shot shocks everyone, especially Lexa. But she isn't surprised that the girl was able to pull it off. 

However, her posture doesn't change at all, and Lexa doesn't have to see her to know that there are tears in her eyes. "Do you feel better?" She asks, but she already knows the answer. 

"No."


End file.
